Soul Palace

Alright…of course I am not gonna write hundred and one attributes of an Aquarius. But one very great lesson that you have to learn is that:

It is very dangerous when an Aquarius keep quiet, I mean literally. We don’t normally keep quiet for no good reason. We keep quiet, or simply if we’re not really talking to you…there’s a dangerous point.

It would normally…and only means that you had made us angry. To the point whereby we’re finding a way to forgive you. Or you had made us angry that we’re considering to scrap you off our list, this apply if you’re our close friends.

Or simply, we find something not very right…and we’re evaluating the situation and see if we can accept the situation. Or something that you did, is bothering us.

Or last but not least, we felt that we’ve been deceived and we’re trying to see if you’re telling the truth or we conclude is a lie.

My point is, when an Aquarius is not talking to you…You better be very careful cos you might just “fall off the surface of the earth”

Yes…a feeling that I can’t say that I like. But recently encountered again…

Have you ever, have this feeling that someone is actually lying to you? Its like when that somebody is telling you something, I mean anything…right to your face. And your gut feeling, just somehow send a signal to your brain…and tell you that the person right in front of you, is telling a lie with his/her eyes wide open.

And you know how it feel? It felt like someone just stab your heart with a knife. I mean yes…it might be us, thinking way too much. We MIGHT be wrong. The person MIGHT be really telling the truth. But somehow, JUST SOMEHOW~! Something just doesn’t seems to be in place. Something just doesn’t seems to fit~! Its like you just sense that its all a lie~!

And the ironic thing is that you chose not to confront that person. You chose to keep quiet. You chose to acknowledge whatever that person is telling you at that point of time. But clearly, in your heart and mind…you simply just tell yourself, “I don’t believe what you say…I know you’re lying”

Actually I wonder, why do we feel this way? I mean especially when the person is so close, and in fact…lie is the last thing that you would wanna feel towards a person that close. But nevertheless, that feeling just crawl silently into our heart. And it kill us quietly…as silent as the night had arrive.

Tell me…just one good reason~! Why do you feel that’s a need to lie to your close ones? Are you afraid that the truth, will hurt us? Is it so difficult for you to tell us the truth and let us handle the truth? I always believe that I would rather live with the truth than living with a lie.

I don’t know, really don’t know…its just a feeling….

Feel like cooking chill “crab”

Not that I am complaining. Just find it a bit strange…suddenly people giving me extra attention. You know me, I will be a bit uncomfortable.

First, its a friend who early in the morning sms…asking me how am I and when wanna meet again. I thought I just meet this friend on saturday. Ok fine…nvm. But then hor…I told him not this week cos pack with stuff and gonna work late today. Then hor, you know what happened? He said he come to fetch me after work. Haiyoyo…a bit too much attention liao lah. Anyway, at the end…I lazy to argue so I just say ok lor.

Since I need to do my work stuff at 11pm….I went to the gym lor. Wow wow woooooooooow~! The gym at JP is fantastic man~! Its better than the outlet that I always hop into. Maybe I will change outlet to go but a bit far from my house ah…let decide later.

Ok this is the 2nd attention. After my workout…I went to my locker, as usual..I will check my mobile first. And guess what. My “2-click away” friend sms. Asking me how am I…and of course when I didn’t reply cos mobile not with me when I gym-ing. My friend sms again. I was like “wow?!” Anyway, I replied lah…so maybe after he got “release(reservist)” then will meet up lor. He said just to check that I am ok. Maybe the last talking session actually finally work? Hmmmm not sure. So I guess let’s take it easy like what my ex-colleague/close friend said so.

A lot of attention given to me hor today?

Now I have to wait till 11pm to finally start work and office is freezing like the Antarctic. Gosh after gym…shower and food. I am about to fall asleep already…And not able to access chat is really OMG I hate to work late in office~!

I meet up with a long lost friend today…more like an ex schoolmate. I was kinda worry at first cos you know my problem of meet up with ppl who I have no contact with a long time will just not really work for me.

And I was damn worry about the mode of transport that is gonna come by…while I was waiting at the destined place. Ok the transport here…phewww its not what I imagine it gonna be, and there we go…traffic on a weekend is horrible.

Alright back to meeting up with my friend, it was great outing. Talk a lot about the good old times. But something that my friend told me just kinda wouldn’t imagine that it happened.

You will be surprise, back then I have a Malay boyfriend…of course I couldn’t remember his name until my friend remind me again…I nearly fall out of the car hahahaha~! Pak Lang…if you’re reading this, you will definitely gonna fall off ur chair. My ex-boyfriend have the same name as YOU~! hahahhaa~! OMG I couldn’t believe it.

A lot of things that this friend told me…its kinda unbelievable. I was always kinda quiet in school…I dun really mix around, at least not with my own ethnic group. I was always with the other ethnic group for some reason which most of you who have been in school with me know why.

Unbelievable things…is that I was like another girl next door. I am not the gorgeous, pretty girl back in school, definitely not one of them…and there’s many pretty girls back then. But what my friend told me nearly make me fall off my chair and I was kinda shy for awhile…imagine an Aquarius being shy???!!! Unbelievable eh?

Anyway, here it goes..we were happily having our dinner and he said I tell you the truth.

him: “Actually after 10 over years, I tell you this. I like you very much back then and wanted to go after you. But that Malay guy is going after you so I backed off”

Moi (nearly choke on my food): “What??!! You must be kidding me…dun play lah”

him: “I’m serious”

Moi (shy): “I didn’t know I was so popular in school. I was kinda stuck up and dun mix around…I dun even rem that I speak much to you”

him: “You do speak to me occasionally and you’re those pleasant girl. You’ll be surprise that there’s a lot of guys back then want to go after you but cos you were attached to that Malay guy”

Moi(nearly fall off my chair)

After 10 over years…I didnt know I was that popular back then. A bit hard to believe ah **faint**

I think probably almost 3 years ago, I am in this position. And for some God forsaken reasons, I am in the same spot again. I really wonder why.

Same mess, same situation, same nonsense…just different scenario and in a different place and with a different group of people.

Tiring you know…I am at a contemplating stage again. Contemplate what I should do next, when I should do it…whether I should do it.

I guess I am really not good in “dancing cha cha”, neither is “maybe” in my dictionary. Or good at “dangling myself”.

There’s just this same “statement” kept chanting in my head and its causing my patience to reach its threshold. I almost went to a website and do the needy but somehow I stopped myself.

I told myself cool it…wait till after the leave then see whether its impulsive or its really “time up” for myself. Currently, the feeling is the latter. I knew that I cannot take it anymore.

I guess I am just buying time…I know I will do it. Just a sooner or later case.

I’m really getting sick and tired of this

I dunno what to label this…so I juz put it under Ma Vie. Until my “chief editor”(Dee) said that I am back to standard…I not gonna tag anything I wrote to “Free My Mind” blog

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Have you ever wonder if the person that you’re in love with, the person you ARE physically with. He/She have never really and was never really in love with you?

Strange question to ask? I am not really that sure. I was just wondering…if a person is really in love with you, does it really mean “till death do us part”? If this is so, then why do we have divorce? And why do we have breakups? Doesn’t love means, going through happiness/sadness…joy and laughter together?

If a guy really love a girl then why do guys still or sometimes…have a fling or maybe sleep around? Same scenario goes for a girl. Does it mean that we’re in love with our partner but then physically we’re still attracted to other people? I couldn’t really figure it out. I always thought that love will means that…the most beautiful being, will be the person who you fall in love with.

And have you ever wonder after a breakups that the person who claims to love you. Doesn’t he/she really mean it? I guess you bound to ponder why have it ended? And I guess, you will go through that reflection period…and somehow, just somehow…something might just hit you. You just asked yourself, this same old question. And I guess, the scariest answer might be that he/she never really did.