Soul Palace

Lately, doesn’t seems to have much of the ME time. I’m always surrounded by people since the beginning of this year. Due to the fact that its my birthday and other people’s birthday. So there’s a lot of invitation and gathering and so on.

And upcoming is CNY, even worst…I will be surrounded by unfamiliar faces whom I only kinda see once in a year.

I mean maybe due to the thing of not having much ME time. I suddenly have this feeling that I wanna run away again. Just wanna be on my own. Don’t wanna talk to anybody…I mean literally mean no talking at all, no phone calls, nobody around…just me and myself. But not happening anytime soon.

So what I can do? I guess just try to speak lesser…Lesser I talk, the lesser..I need to listen(“This one…dunno if achievable”…maybe can pretend as if I am listening) 

The problem, you know what…I cannot be like “Hey, please leave me alone” to anybody. It never work….cos whoever I ignore will be like “what happen to you ah?” I mean ya lah ppl are concern about me…I know. But then all I need is less question, and less talk…and less of the need to “entertain” ppl

Oh ya everybody seems to be falling sick in the office…my baaryar is sick also. At least I have one less person to “entertain” Thank God for it

I really do not know how to describe this person at my work place. This person doesn’t look harmful, doesn’t feel harmful. But then things that this person do or don’t do can really be very nonsense~!

When I look at this person, I really can’t tell whether this person is really blur or genuine innocent. This person definitely got the innocent look…innocent until you do not know how to scold this person when this person is at fault.

But lately, I think I have enough of this person’s nonsense. Couldn’t be always do mistake or miss out things right????

I blow up big time today cos this person can go and tell the vendor that things have changed but dunno how to tell the dept. Tell me, what kind of nonsense is this????

It all started when Dee came over to my desk and tap on my shoulder…I wasn’t concentrating cos I was trying to figure out why my piece of code doesn’t work. I heard the commotion btw Dee and this person. Then when Dee talk to me…I was still ok but when this person start to blah blah blah and say that if change then the vendor need to change. There’s where I blow up…I was like really WTF~! You told the vendor got changes but you dunno how to tell the dept that there’s changes? Then have problem then made us scramble to change for you ah???!!! I mean I didnt tell this person that lah. I said it in another way

And as usual, Dee who knows me the best…knew that volcano erupted. So as usual…her peace and harmony. She walk away and helped to fix the problem. I do not expect Dee to fix it. I just want this stupid person to apologize and admit that is this person’s mistake that this person didn’t let us know that’s changes. Some more, can fagging talk so much and say “dunno ley…dunno why got problem ah? How come ah?” Isn’t that fake???!!!! You can say you dunno but you still dare to say, if change…vendor must change…what kind of fagging nonsense is that???!!!

I’m not born yesterday ley. This one I am sure I am not stress…I am piss off cos if its your mistake…admit that its you who miss out things, dun fagging pretend that you dunno~! Nonsense sia~!

In order not to yell at anybody in office or in my personal life. I am gonna adapt the bo-chup mode until I get my well deserve holiday or should I say so that I can tahan the nonsense that’s heading my way from all directions.

Therefore, if I look at you and my expression goes like “whatever”. Means I couldn’t be bother to argue or say anything even I think that whatever you saying is wrong. In a simpler way, I couldn’t be bother about what you say or wanna do….just do whatever you want. This apply very much at work.

So with immediate effect, the mode is “bo-chup” until further notice

Yes apparently I think 3 months is up again. I got this feeling of dun wanna do anything. I just feel like sit somewhere and chill for a long long long time. But then again, not happening any time soon. Due to my work stuff is still on going and require my presence in the office.

On top of this, my team member wanna take long break…straight away after my work stuff completed about end this month. Suckz isn’t it? I think I should be the one taking long break instead, not him. But what can I say….you work in a sucky place, you have to deal with sucky ppl and sucky situation.

When i can lobo again? I dunno…maybe when I find a new “outlet”….

Yes…Yeap…sadly…ironically, I start with what I had stopped to do about 1 month or so ago.

Nothing serious, I started applying for job again. I started to shut up at my workplace, I started not to argue with my boss anymore, I started to say “yes and only yes” to my boss, I started to say “up to you” more than often to my boss. Good sign? Hmmm…Good sign for me maybe, cos this is the indication that I had finally gave up. Ya…like Dee said, when an aquarius do not say anything anymore…there’s the most dangerous time but if an aquarius still argue or say something then still ok. And I am at this point of do not wanna say anything anymore.

So I do something else…I still do my work. I mean of course currently its not work but me ranting on my blog lah…coo coo~! What I mean is that whatever my boss said I do, if he don’t say I don’t do. Simple right? There’s how typical an aquarius is when we reached our threshold

YES~! Its been quite a helluva happenings for the last 2 weeks till today…more like this morning to be exact.

I started to get non-listed calls on my mobile. At first its kinda quite mild so I thought that maybe wrong number or something.Then it started to get worst, I got one at 3am one of the days, then it start to be alternate days of close to midnight calls…and then it become a everyday affair at about 8 plus in the evening and alternate day of close to midnight type of calls. I can’t withstand it so I started to block non-listed number after office hours. The ultimate one is on last sunday…cos I blocked it, the person call until like very urgently like that…ok this is one of the worst stuff.

Then last thurs, Minne came to me and told me how ah? Wanna celebrate Mickey’s bday on fri or sat. I was like tI  thought you arranging then she said she didnt yet. OMG…at the end I still have to do it. I started calling the “old gang” ask them to cancel whatever appt they have on friday…luckily sorted out

Then on friday itself…by right suppose to go to wala already but then I end up going to hospital to visit one of my colleague’s husband whom was suffering from stroke attack, it kinda sad u know…then cos of this, I sorted things out with Mickey. Mickey finally told the truth of wat is going on…why we fought all that. I mean he’s forgiven but then again…things will never be the same again. A scar is a scar, it will always leave a mark unless maybe you use some miracle oilment or stuff then juz maybe the mark will be erase.

Everything seems to be ok tilllllllllllllll sunday, I fought with DK. I didnt start it ok…DK is the one who started it. Dun ask me the background cos I not gonna tell u. I was about to think that this mickey and DK cannot co-exist. One of them must not be “present” in my life or something like that. Anyway, so I didnt talk to him until today…more like 1.35am exactly whereby his sms woke me up from my sleep, and we continue the sms until almost 4am? So I didnt sleep and come to office…OMG BAD IDEA~!

Ok there’s my recollection of wat had happen…

Anyway, I dunno lah ok…to all my close friends…knowing me so long, you all should know by now that I have 2 major weakness but I pray that you all will not take for granted. First, I can never lie to close friends so when I say dun probe…mean dun probe, I will tell you when I want to tell you. If you probe, I will feel very uncomfortable and then I get scare then I will drift away. 2nd…this one really major one, no matter how angry I am…I always have a soft spot for you though u might piss me off BIG TIME…I’ll still have a soft spot for you somehow…juz dun make use of these weakness wrongly cos it might backfire.

Ok this is about it….Dee I GOT BLOG

Hmmm a bit difficult…but have to endure. I mean never really have this kinda problem with the other “crab” maybe cos I already know her for so long and know when to probe and when not to. And most of the time, she will tell me what I can ask, and what I cannot ask. Or by seeing her face, I roughly know what to do.

But this other version of crab, I am kinda helpless. I dunno when he want attention and when he dun want. I apply the theory of guys…so when guy dun ask for help, just leave the guy alone. But that doesn’t seems to help too. And it make me fedup cos I leave this crab alone then I also kena. Dun leave this crab alone, then I see this crab like gonna pengz son like that.

Just now went for a smoke break and bum into this crab by chance. OMG…I dun like to see him in this stage….really dun like~! And all I can do is just try very hard to behave as normal but the heart hurts a little. I know he will recover somehow, juz dunno when and dunno how. So while he’s in this mourning stage, what can I do? I guess juz keep very quiet and endure it…say nothing. Juz be there when require or else just stay a distance. I hope this wont take too long cos it gonna affect me sooner or later if take longer than expected

This is what I do when I dun wanna do work

What happened lately? Hmmm…other than wanna get a new job but unable to due to stupid coy policy. Everything else still seems to be a mess also.

Didnt sleep for 24hours due to my primary system just crash on me this monday…actually how to say. I suppose to work on sunday, I reached office about 10 plus in the morning. Do the first part of the work then head home…then laze around at home while waiting for the 2nd part to start which is suppose to be about 2am on monday. I was thinking that it start about midnight then my part should be about 1am lor…maybe no need to sleep lah so I juz wait lor…

Who knows when its my turn to take over the “shift”, my primary system just crash when I restart it after making my changes. Dunno wat else to do but to call the vendor and wait. I suppose to do this, go and sleep then afternoon then go office. Apparently due to this, I didnt sleep at all and head to office. The entire thing last till monday 8pm. 3/4 of my brain is not working by then, I just leave the 1/4 to get myself home to my bed. Therefore, from sunday 9am till monday 8pm, I am awake.

By the time I reached home is about 9pm, I just shower and KO~! But then hor, I woke up at 7.30am the next day automatically. Amazing hor? I guess so.

Anyway….Within those  ”awake” hours, I do not know I yell at who or harsh to who. I think whoever around me get the taste of it. Anyway, the next day…I did just apologize to whoever I remember I talk to…telling them if I happen to yell at you, I’m sorry

Tuesday is another mess, the residue of monday to resolve….then on top of that my “daddy” not around and his stuff got problem then I need to call him cos after trying very hard to find his stuff without much progress. And I am rushing to solve his stuff…I havent pack my last bit of things for the move.

Ironically, YES…me moving office again. But then hor, funny thingy is that move within the same building, just different lobby and different floor. Eh more like move back to where I first started. Aiya how to explain?!

We used to be on Lobby A 5th floor then we move to Lobby B 2nd floor due to some reason then now due to company issue, they move us back to Lobby A 5th floor…same room. Like musical chair like that. Anyway, at the eleventh hour, I get my “daddy” stuff resolve and throw everything in the carton box and there’s it…hehehe of course not I carry the box lah, they employ ppl to move for us.

Messy right? And currently after the past 2 days of nonsense…I dun feel like working now

Its the 2nd week that I am back in office. I dunno what is wrong with my boss…he seems to get irritated easily nowadays. Maybe due to the fact that many ppl ask him the same question again and again. And I realise nowadays he like to do things without even discussing with me.

The ultimate thingy is that when he’s not around, I am the primary person to take care of his stuff but then again…he dun teach me everything. Then how to support? At the end, I have to kept calling him until myself got piss off. I really dun understand him or his rationale.

I guess maybe is my style…I teach ppl last time. I make sure they know what to do when I am not around. I never consider myself as indispensible and I dun like ppl to kacau me when I am on leave. Maybe there’s the reason why I dun understand how things work here for the past 3 years.

Aiya nvm lah…complain also like that, I guess this ppl will never change so…what’s next? Hopefully can find a new outlet lor….but everybody who called me, told me my disadvantage is the 3 mths….what more can I say. Nothing else to say until God really bless me and give me a way out