Soul Palace

Its almost end of 2011. And its been exactly 10 years, I had almost forgot that experience that I had went through 10 years ago. The economic fluctation usually have a 10 year of peaceful period before it hit the next crisis. I felt my situation is like the economic crisis since its 10 yrs later that I am gonna experience the same exact thing again. Tho’ it is something that I had went through before, I do not know why it still doesn’t really feel that good. But then again, why should it feel good since its not a good situation, not a good outcome.

But guess, I know how to deal with it now. To face the world with a smile, to cover every sadness that the world need not know. But it really felt that being at this new place, had taught me how to sharpen my skill of being fake.

It is something that I had resist for the longest time. I always think that if this world had less a person who are fake, won’t it be good? I always think that I will not lie to people or to myself but here…30 over years of my life, things that I had not want to do before. I am doing now. I learn how to lie, fake and deceive…not that I want to but this job seems to require me to do so.

I really don’t like it a single bit but I am learning to be numb towards this feeling. If this is what it takes to be in this real world, I mean the corporate world. The only thingy that I know that I can be sad being here, being in this situation but once I walked out of the “door”, its another world. It felt like the door is a twilight between the real me and the fake me. I never thought I will ever come to this stage, never imagine that…maybe cos of this, its like eating me up right now. I felt sick to the stomach…really sick.