Soul Palace

I meet up with a long lost friend today…more like an ex schoolmate. I was kinda worry at first cos you know my problem of meet up with ppl who I have no contact with a long time will just not really work for me.

And I was damn worry about the mode of transport that is gonna come by…while I was waiting at the destined place. Ok the transport here…phewww its not what I imagine it gonna be, and there we go…traffic on a weekend is horrible.

Alright back to meeting up with my friend, it was great outing. Talk a lot about the good old times. But something that my friend told me just kinda wouldn’t imagine that it happened.

You will be surprise, back then I have a Malay boyfriend…of course I couldn’t remember his name until my friend remind me again…I nearly fall out of the car hahahaha~! Pak Lang…if you’re reading this, you will definitely gonna fall off ur chair. My ex-boyfriend have the same name as YOU~! hahahhaa~! OMG I couldn’t believe it.

A lot of things that this friend told me…its kinda unbelievable. I was always kinda quiet in school…I dun really mix around, at least not with my own ethnic group. I was always with the other ethnic group for some reason which most of you who have been in school with me know why.

Unbelievable things…is that I was like another girl next door. I am not the gorgeous, pretty girl back in school, definitely not one of them…and there’s many pretty girls back then. But what my friend told me nearly make me fall off my chair and I was kinda shy for awhile…imagine an Aquarius being shy???!!! Unbelievable eh?

Anyway, here it goes..we were happily having our dinner and he said I tell you the truth.

him: “Actually after 10 over years, I tell you this. I like you very much back then and wanted to go after you. But that Malay guy is going after you so I backed off”

Moi (nearly choke on my food): “What??!! You must be kidding me…dun play lah”

him: “I’m serious”

Moi (shy): “I didn’t know I was so popular in school. I was kinda stuck up and dun mix around…I dun even rem that I speak much to you”

him: “You do speak to me occasionally and you’re those pleasant girl. You’ll be surprise that there’s a lot of guys back then want to go after you but cos you were attached to that Malay guy”

Moi(nearly fall off my chair)

After 10 over years…I didnt know I was that popular back then. A bit hard to believe ah **faint**

I think probably almost 3 years ago, I am in this position. And for some God forsaken reasons, I am in the same spot again. I really wonder why.

Same mess, same situation, same nonsense…just different scenario and in a different place and with a different group of people.

Tiring you know…I am at a contemplating stage again. Contemplate what I should do next, when I should do it…whether I should do it.

I guess I am really not good in “dancing cha cha”, neither is “maybe” in my dictionary. Or good at “dangling myself”.

There’s just this same “statement” kept chanting in my head and its causing my patience to reach its threshold. I almost went to a website and do the needy but somehow I stopped myself.

I told myself cool it…wait till after the leave then see whether its impulsive or its really “time up” for myself. Currently, the feeling is the latter. I knew that I cannot take it anymore.

I guess I am just buying time…I know I will do it. Just a sooner or later case.

I’m really getting sick and tired of this

I dunno what to label this…so I juz put it under Ma Vie. Until my “chief editor”(Dee) said that I am back to standard…I not gonna tag anything I wrote to “Free My Mind” blog

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Have you ever wonder if the person that you’re in love with, the person you ARE physically with. He/She have never really and was never really in love with you?

Strange question to ask? I am not really that sure. I was just wondering…if a person is really in love with you, does it really mean “till death do us part”? If this is so, then why do we have divorce? And why do we have breakups? Doesn’t love means, going through happiness/sadness…joy and laughter together?

If a guy really love a girl then why do guys still or sometimes…have a fling or maybe sleep around? Same scenario goes for a girl. Does it mean that we’re in love with our partner but then physically we’re still attracted to other people? I couldn’t really figure it out. I always thought that love will means that…the most beautiful being, will be the person who you fall in love with.

And have you ever wonder after a breakups that the person who claims to love you. Doesn’t he/she really mean it? I guess you bound to ponder why have it ended? And I guess, you will go through that reflection period…and somehow, just somehow…something might just hit you. You just asked yourself, this same old question. And I guess, the scariest answer might be that he/she never really did.

People come and goes from our life like as if its a daily routine. Sometimes, we know the reason why, at times we never really know what had actually happened. Or how does it happen…muddled about when does it happen.

I always have this believe that God put something or somebody into our life for a reason. And God take away something or somebody from your life also due to His valid reason.

Not sure if this do make any sense to you. Regardless if the Almighty is putting or taking away, I guess He’s ultimate reason, is for us to learn something out of it. But I guess most of the time we’re so into our own pain/joy/grievance, we just never really see the reason behind it.

Until maybe one fine day when you’re finally at peace with yourself and your surroundings. There’s where you finally realize that He’s speaking to you and finally realize the reason behind His doing.

Recently, I felt that He had shown me a lot through many people and incidents. Let me realize things that I had never really understand previously… the reason why. I am still trying to piece up the jigsaw puzzle that He had gave me through all these. I figure out some, lost in some. But I can’t say its not fruitful. At least, I understood why now….

Yeap, I dun fancy it…especially recently. Maybe due to the fact that I had loads of people who were questioning me in office. And every damn day since last week, I had been answering numerous questions ranging in magnitude. I really dun wish to be question out of office. People who had knew me for years…

I mean those who have persist in my life for a very long time, know one thing for sure: “Only ask me once…never ever probe”. I get very resistant when being probe. My style is “I tell you when I want to tell you”. And most of the time, if you’re close enough…there isn’t a need for you to ask either. I will automatically tell you when I am ready.

Another thingy, I seems not to really like since quite awhile ago is the “usual” question. The kinda question whereby a friend who have not seen/contact you for a long time kinda question:  “Got boyfriend/girlfriend already?”, “Marry already?”, “Have kids already?”, “when you gonna have kids?”, “Is your hubby/wife ok?” etc etc. I guess you know what I mean.

I am kinda sick of such kinda questions…ya friends wanna know your well-being but then again, isn’t there anything else to ask or talk about? Gosh~! Maybe a simple  “How your life been” will do. Ain’t you sick of such questions at time? Is like as if our life is so damn routine that people just have to ask the routine questions.

Its kinda nice to have friends who have somehow lost touch to try to find you back but whenever it happen to me…2 things I am afraid, the friendship is not as like before which normally happened to me. 2nd is, those questions which I really dun fancy

Ya I really really really REALLY felt like slay a lot, ALOTSA ppl today. I really fagging dun understand why IT ppl can be so damn fagging dumb~! Why do this kinda of dumb thingy???!!! Dun IT ppl know that anything can happen????!!!! Or is it just that country’s IT is like this???!!! I tell myself I not gonna answer any calls tonight, I told my boss also. My boss said later escalate sky high, I juz told him…escalate lah. I really dun give a damn.

Then another thingy, do I look like phone book to you??? Did my forehead said “office yellow pages”??? There’s a tool on the intranet for you to use…and the person you wanna call is just a few steps away. You can’t get your butt out of your seat to go ask for your answer is it? Can’t you see that I am damn stress out today? You should be glad that I tahan and didn’t wanna be sarcastic to you. So dun give me that fagging face~!

Today every damn fella in this company range from biz to operation to IT to even my own dept ppl give me problem. I didnt yell at anybody is very good already, and I control using vulgarity in the office…really BU TAHAN AH~!

Ya today is one of those days that close frenz step on my tail. Please lah, if I juz say once…fine lah, I wont be this angry. I just nag and make sure you do it. I don’t nag for no reason ok…I say something cos either the thingy is no good for you, or I feel that you gonna fall off the cliff. Or I am worry. If you can show me that there’s nothing to be worry about…fine, I shut up and I wont say a single word. But bloody hell…if its something that affect you then you dun expect me to just keep quiet.

Not say that I over react, please lah…I am worry ok. You all think is fun to delay the things that I asked you all to do, is it? Maybe you all have your reason lah but its not valid enough for me to accept. The more you all delay it, the more worry I am…sometimes I don’t say, I just let you all go sort it out cos you all old enough to think for yourself. But if the problem come back again and again…how many time you all want me to nag???

You all think that I fagging enjoy nagging at you all is it? Sometimes worry also cannot show cos afraid that you all might feel that I am pushy. But pls lah, put yourself in my shoe…if I am the one who is having the problem and you nag at me so many time and I still like deli dali, how you feel? Worry right?

Hey, if I dun regard you as my close friend…I won’t even give a damn what happen to you. If I already nag so many time and you still don’t do it…you think I still can be cool and talk to you nicely ah?! No way man~! Its not that I won’t talk to you forever but you all know when I get angry and I said I am angry…I really meant it. No sweet talking can put off the fire…so you better just kept out and stay away if you’re the cause of the fire~! Pek Che sia

Wow~! Its been really quite awhile har? How life have been? I can’t say its fabulous cos really too many things happened after the one week leave.

Traveled to KL in a jiffy all alone…take budget flight for the 1st time in my life. And move around 2 states all alone. One thing for sure, this time round it freak the hell out of Dee. I went to the States, she also not so panicky…she maciam like my mummy sia that day~!

Didn’t sleep much when I was there. People who I expected to be a bit mature enough, doesn’t seems to be. People who I expected not to bother, seems to be.

2nd day, I called “SOS (you know who you are)” Then traveled back all alone in a never seems to end train ride and hoping that it’ll derail hahahaha~!

Though it was kinda tiring trip and it brought back all the feeling of being in the States all alone. I can’t said that its not a fruitful trip. I guess it really doesn’t need a week away to gather thoughts. A few days will do when God said its time for you to realize things.

What I realize? I realized that action speak louder than words and words are worth nothing, I realized that no matter how you feel the world don’t give a damn, people just care about what they think and how they feel…whatever you feel is less of their concern unless they really love you (pls ah, love can be any kind…relationship, family or friendship).

I realized that even promise can be broken, even when one said they won’t. I realized that years of friendship can be gone within a snap of the finger when ones dunno how to treasure it or expect too much out of it. I realized that sometimes we chose not to see what is right in front of us…the ugly truth and chose to oversee the true personalities of some ppl. I realized that at times, we have to learn how to survive on our own. I realized sometimes, its time to say enough is enough.

I realized sometimes we made mistake and we just need to admit it and accept it. I realized that its good to let go of memories and move on with life. I realized sometimes you just need to learn how to forgive and forgo. I realized that when our expectation is lower, we won’t get hurt that much. I realized the sooner we accept the truth, the easier for us to take the steps of life happier.

I realized one damn thing for sure, I wanna live life happier…at least try to. Hehehehe~! I guess I am ready to go back to myself this time round. Get, Set, Ready……..GOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!

Yeap~!  22nd August marks the start of my long awaiting 1 week holiday. I definitely glad and thank God that its finally here. Its kinda slightly off the 3 month mark, the last time I head out is somewhere early April. But nevertheless, I am thankful now.

BUTTttttttttttttttt~! This time round, I chose to stay put in SG. I’m not going anywhere. You must be thinking that I will be bore to death. Gosh~! You’re so so so soooooooooo wrong~! Of course, for the past 2 days I had been hibernating…doing nothing much at all, other than the usual Sunday cooking and “full body maintenance”.

My week starting today, had been packed with activity till the end of this holiday. Surprise? Ya me too. And suddenly I felt that 1 wk doesn’t seems to be enough. I just cleared up my storeroom which took me 3 God forsaken hrs…that small tiny room is really a mess, and I am amazed how many things were actually inside. I threw away a lot of stuffs. Oh! my family members always said that I have a lot of shoes. Guess what? hehehe I juz realize my youngest brother have more shoes than I do, can challenge me you know.

Currently now I am resting, later this evening…gonna meet up a friend. Dee, you better pray your phone don’t ring later tonight ok

Today is storeroom, Tomorrow do what? I’ve to clear the rest of the house…and then to my gym, hopefully I still have the strength.

Wednesday? Meet up with one of my ex-colleagues for lunch and then go to SPA~! HURRAY~!

Thursday? Dental dental….gonna get drill then to gym….then bring mum go shopping. Hopefully she don’t burn a hole in my pocket

Friday? Meet shan shan…which until now she haven’t reply my sms dey.

Saturday, go to the gym again….hopefully can wake up then go shopping

Sunday? No more enjoyment….gonna get into depress mode cos going back to office the next day

Actually still got ppl in my list that I should be catching up with…but geez you see the week is so pack, I had been moving my activity here and there so I can accommodate to meet more ppl but then not happening.

1 week is really not enough man~!